The Pastor Chris divorce – Modern Christianity and self-deception
I was hoping that the rumours about Pastor Chris Oyahkhilome’s pending divorce proceedings with his wife Anita may just be one of those things – rumours, until I heard the man himself speak on the subject in a YouTube video. As is normal of human nature, those who love the man will defend him to the hilt in spite of his obvious flaws, and his critics will have found even more reason to be critical of him. I on the other hand choose to do exactly what an American theologian whose opinion I respect, Roger Olsen did about the resignation of a certain Mark Driscoll, a prominent pastor of the American megachurch called Mars Hill – I choose to analyze why this always happens and why without changing how we think about and run churches, these things will happen again and again.
Do not worry when I allude to resignation – I know that there tends to be very little difference between African politicians and a large percentage of African megachurch leaders and I’m not demanding nor expecting Pastor Chris to resign from leading his church in spite of how this does raise a lot of questions about the theology he expounds . What worries me the most is what contemporary Christians have come to expect as “normal” of church and church leaders.
OUR PASTORS ARE SUPERMEN
Modern Christianity is caught in the superstar mentalities of our generation. A number of churches tend to be built more around the personalities of their “founders” than they are built on Jesus Christ himself. It expects (and accept) flawless oratory, knowledge on everything from archeology to zoology, perfect lives and the assumption of perfect and always correct teaching. When I find myself in the company of certain “Christians”, they talk a lot more about their pastors than they do about Jesus and his kingdom. As a result of this elevation of these Christian leaders to the demigod status, they have also gotten it into their heads to demand absolute loyalty to them – whether this is warranted or not. There is this perception that these leaders have received a special “vision” from God about their ministry which cannot be challenged, and so even when they are expressly wrong in what they say and do, it is safer for the contemporary Christian to not ask questions but rather behave like sheep in a herd. It deludes Christians that there is safety in numbers and would rather not be the ones that ask questions. We therefore overtly support our leaders in their abusive and non-Jesus-like behaviour, all in a flawed interpretation of “touch not my anointed”.
CELIBACY IS EVIL
Modern Christianity has somehow gotten it into its mind that a conscious decision to remain single in the service of the kingdom of God is bad. It views young men and women who are not married as second class citizens of our churches although we don’t realize that’s what we are doing. This is however in contrast to Jesus and Paul the apostle’s own attitude to marriage and divorce represented by Mt 19:1-11 and 1 Cor 7:1-16 respectively. This is summed up in 2 opposites, either stay married (and fulfill all your marital requirements as expected of you – “the husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise wife to her husband”) or be single so one can devote oneself to working for the Kingdom of God. If celibacy was still an option amongst contemporary Christian leaders, then those who feel marriage is not for them as well as our “supermen” pastors can save us all the crocodile tears they cry when, to use the American expression “it all goes south” in their marriages. There really is very little room to maneuver biblically when it comes to divorce, so let ALL Christians (not just the mere mortals amongst us) be sure that marriage is what they want and they should be willing to stick with it.
HUMILITY IS OVERRATED
Contrary to what pertains today, early Christianity was very unique and in some ways weird for being amongst the earliest religions that propound humility as a virtue. In the Greco-Roman world of the 1st century, pride was the norm, not the exception. For those who think “if you’ve got it flaunt it” is a modern notion, you will be mistaken to know that Epicureanism already had the goods on that one. The notion that we are all frail and worthless human beings who have somehow been favoured by God to be called into his kingdom, and who although redeemed by Jesus are still susceptible to these failures was central to the mindset of early Christianity. Peter the apostle, who received a lesson or two about humility from none other than Jesus himself, had a lot to say to both leaders and members of the church in his letter of 1st Peter chapter 5. To the leaders he says “Be shepherds of God’s flock … not lording it over one another but being examples to the flock” (v 2-3). To the whole church he says “all of you clothe yourselves with humility to one another”(v 5). Hence the notion of the body with many parts and all contributing their bit to build that body up.
Modern Christianity on the other hand, not realizing it has bought into Enlightenment ideologies and its earlier antecedent of Epicureanism, is fraught with pride, with people feeling they are special and should be treated as such. Showing oneself to be vulnerable and therefore actively taking steps (and not just “talking humility”) to make sure that our lives, both as leaders of the church and as ordinary Christians are open to questioning, change and support by others is out of the question.
It is because of this knowledge of frailty and the fact that one man can’t do it all that early Christians preferred a group of elders guiding the church than the CEO style leadership we are running today. This spreads the load of doing the work of God, and allows leaders to also lead normal lives and have time for their wives like the rest of us if they were married. But today’s “CEOisque” Church leaders must write devotionals, write their own “bibles”, preach every Sunday, be the only public voice of the church, attend every meeting, write books, be the church administrator and monitor church finances to boot.
OUR PASTOR/CHURCH IS THE BEST THING SINCE SLICED BREAD
Together with this lack of personal humility is an arrogance of theology that can sometimes be nauseating. Christianity has existed for well over 2000 years now, and yet some modern Christians think that what their pastor/church teaches today is the only (best/perfect) revealed truth. Whenever I personally question some Christians on their knowledge of Christian history, I’m scandalized by the monumental levels of ignorance exhibited. How have we allowed the philosopher George Santayana’s sayings that “those who do not remember the past are bound to repeat them” to be true of us? Even within the last 100 years, many “men of God” (preachers) have faced such spectacular personal failures and from which we must learn lessons, and yet somehow each generation of Christians thinks that it won’t happen to them and doesn’t make structural changes to prevent these things from happening again.
CONCLUSION
Modern Christianity simply sets up our leaders to fail. And when they do, most of us do the 2 things that unreflective human beings do – crucify them for their failure, or go on as if nothing has happened and find some means to excuse them for it by blaming something/someone else.
Instead of simply concluding that the main lesson from this is that “we all need to spend more time with our spouses” as I’ve heard some say, maybe Christianity as whole should be less naive and ask ourselves more critical questions about the structures we have adopted that lead to these failures. We can start by admitting to ourselves the possibility that we might be slightly insane. After all a certain wise scientist once said that “insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results”.
Maybe we need to admit that some humility is required of us, and expect the same of our leaders. Maybe we need to ask ourselves if celebrity pastors are what the church needs, or people who are just mere mortals like you and me will suffice. Maybe we need to take Jesus Christ seriously that Christian leadership must not be one that lords it over and exercises authority over its people like the gentiles do (Mk 10:42). Maybe instead of the categories of “men of God”, “preachers” and “the rest of us”, Christians will be more satisfied with “brothers and sisters in the Lord who need each other”. That way when we fail, we can have the guts to say “I’m sorry”.
Because it actually takes men of courage to recognize their mistakes and to apologize for them. That is the way of the Lamb, must we not follow it?
