Tag Archive for: forgiveness

What is so sacred about sex? – Part 2

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This continues from part 1…..

In part one of this article, we discussed the sexual mood of our present culture and whether or not as human beings, we are the owners of our own bodies and minds. We ended on the note that if it is the case that we have been made or created by someone else for his own purposes, then surely we would have a lot more obligations than we would have if we only belonged to ourselves. But we also noted that, this is a big “IF” because some people do not believe (or at least they live as if they don’t believe) that there is any Being higher than ourselves, to whom we must be responsible. Is it reasonable to believe that an actual Being exists who is responsible for our existence and to whom we might be accountable to, regarding our sexual lives? If there is the possibility for such a Being to exist, why would he be interested in what we do with our bodies sexually?

For starters, let us be brutally honest with ourselves: everything in this world – from ourselves to the flowers to the stars to sea to animals etc – points to the fact that some sort of careful designing has gone into the creation of our world and of ourselves, doesn’t it? We often take it for granted that this physical world of ours is structured the way it is. But mathematically speaking, the probability of this world happening by a mindless random or unordered process is incredibly small. According to Astrophysicist Hugh Ross’ conservative calculation, the chance of a planet like ours existing in the universe is about 1 in a trillion billion billion (i.e. 1 in 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 or 1 in 10 raised to the power 30).

 Scientists are discovering that had even a single feature of our universe been just a little bit different, the stars, galaxies and human life would not exist. Let us briefly look at a few amazing scientific discoveries before we go on. The distance from the earth to the sun is just right. Why? Even a small change of around 2% and all life would cease. If the earth was too near the sun, water would evaporate. If it was too far from the sun, its coldness level would not support life. In fact, even the rotation speed of the earth is just right; if it was too slow, the temperature differences between day and night would be too extreme, and if it was too fast the wind speeds would be catastrophic. Furthermore, if the ratio of the electromagnetic and gravitational forces had differed by about one part in ten thousand billion billion billion billion (i.e. 1 part in 10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000,000), then stars such as the Sun, which are capable of supporting life, could not exist. Do you see any picture emerging?

The delicate balance of the elements in our universe, to use the illustration of the theoretical physicist Paul Davies, is like the accuracy level that a marksman needs in order to hit a coin twenty billion light years away on the other side of the observable universe. [A light year is the speed travelled by light in one year. And light, by the way, has the fastest travelling speed in our universe]. In fact it has been noted by some researchers that the earth is placed precisely in a part of the universe that is congenial to scientific studies in cosmology, galactic astronomy, stellar astrophysics and geophysics. That is, if our earth had been positioned in a part of the universe with too much starlight, we could not have been able to see into deep space. There are more than 3000 galaxies in the observable universe, each containing millions to trillions of stars – many being bigger than the earth.

Further, Oxford mathematician John Lennox in his book, ‘God’s undertaker: has Science buried God?’, notes that the distinguished mathematician and astronomer, Sir Fred Hoyle, admitted that his atheism was shaken profoundly when he discovered the degree of fine-tuning needed between the nuclear ground state energy levels in order for carbon to be formed either by a combination of three helium nuclei, or by a combination of nuclei of helium and beryllium. (And for the record, life cannot exist on earth without an abundant supply of carbon). Sir Hoyle’s discovery, according to Lennox, led him to remark that, “a superintellect has monkeyed with physics as well as with chemistry and biology,” and that “there are no blind forces in nature worth talking about.” Interesting isn’t it? And let us not forget the issue of the human DNA – the molecule containing coded instructions for the cells in the body. A group of scientists have recently estimated that the adult body contains about 37.2 trillion cells, each containing DNA. Each person’s complete DNA is unique; the exception being identical twins. The instructions are in what is called Genetic language and they are detailed, complex and specific. These instructions include for example, which cells should grow and when, which cells should die and when, which cells should make hair and what colour it should be.  If all this sounds too technical, then let me make it simple: the scientific discoveries are pointing in the direction where it is highly unlikely that an intelligent Being did not plan and execute the creation of this whole skilfully crafted universe, including human beings like us.

What is my point with all this information? It is this: if conditions in this universe, and the nature of our human bodies, are the way they are – so delicately precision-tuned – and if human beings like us posses the kind of intelligence we posses, even to study them, then it is very reasonable to (and unreasonable not to) suppose that a more intelligent Being, (1) is out there, (2) is the cause of our beings and (3) is interested in our lives. Now if we relate this thought to Mr. Lewis’ thoughts about moral duties (discussed in part one of this article), we can say with a fair degree of confidence that the whole of mankind must have a Landlord. Our bodies, strictly speaking, are not ours. Our Landlord is this Intelligent Being who created this world and everything in it. Religious folks simply call him, God. Since this God is the cause of our intricately designed bodies and existence, it is not mind-boggling that any “Dos and Don’ts” on how we use our bodies should come from him.

 

A Curious Worldview

 In his speech to the members of the city council of Athens, Paul the apostle of Christ tried to give them a new view of God, saying, “God, who made the world and everything in it, is Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples made by human hands.” (Acts 17:24 GNB) In a city so used to building alters and shrines for every imaginable god, this news was however unimaginable. But to the people in the city of Corinth (a city well-known for its immorality), who became believers in Jesus Christ, Paul wrote them a letter in which he explained to them the sacredness of their bodies: “…the body is not to be used for sexual immorality, but to serve the Lord, and the Lord provides for the body. God raised the Lord [i.e. Jesus] from death and will also raise us by his power. … Don’t you know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and who was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourselves but to God; he bought you for a price. So use your bodies for God’s glory.” (1 Cor. 6: 13,14, 19,20 GNB). Dr Ravi Zacharias, a Christian philosopher, appropriately explains that, “the Christian walks with God, not to God. We no longer go to the temple to worship. Rather we go with our temples to worship.” The body of a believer in Christ, rather than a church building, is the holy dwelling place of God and must be treated as “holy grounds.” Thus what this person wears, or touches, or says, or looks at or reads or listens to must uphold God’s holiness.

So much for the Christian “bodies”! What bearing does this worldview have on those who do not subscribe to it? The non-Christian is a prospective temple of God. God wants to live in this person. The Christian explanation for human existence in general is that God made us and not only that, but also that he made us all for himself (Col. 1:16) and he made us in such a way that only in union with him can our greatest good be had (John 10:10). Sin does not allow this to happen. But God became man in Jesus Christ, lived uprightly among us, identified with our human weaknesses, paid for our sins in his death and rose up and wants to live in us to empower us to live as we ought to. Like C. S. Lewis once observed, God invented us in a certain sense like how a man invents an engine. And when a car is made to run of gasoline, it would not run properly on anything else. In this same sense God made the “human machine,” as Lewis puts it, to run on himself.

The fuel we need in order to function the way he designed us is God himself and the food we need to keep our souls spiritually alive is God himself. We cannot expect to function properly on our own terms. Sexual fulfillment (a major hunger of our generation) with its proper joy, peace and security does not come through the pulling down of God’s boundaries. Without God at the centre of a sexual relationship, our much desired real and secure intimacy which we often believe can be found in sexual intercourse will prove elusive. Any person, Christian or not, who tries to outsmart God on this front will soon find that the last laugh is always God’s, not ours; restlessness, emptiness, meaninglessness, broken trust, guilt and shame will ultimately come resting at our door steps. There is definitely pleasure in sin but it is fleeting. Kenyan Christian Apologist, John Njoroge, insightfully says that, “Trying to meet our real needs without God is like trying to satisfy our thirst with salty water: the more we drink, the thirstier we become.  This is a sure path to various sorts of addictions.”

Even in our limited wisdom, we realize that playing our cherished game of football without any rules does not make it really enjoyable. So we have created rules, in all their imperfections. Even with the rules in place, some people hurt others and get hurt themselves; they offend and get offended during the course of the game. Can you imagine the unbridled chaos that would exist if there were no clear rules? In the same way, we are living in an increasing sexually chaotic culture today because we are desperately throwing off God’s moral restraints: husbands and wives are sleeping with people other than their spouses, young unmarried boys and girls are “training” themselves in the act of sex yet ironically the idea of marriage is appearing uncomfortable to them because of its widely acknowledged moral limitations. God has provided a framework within which sex can be properly enjoyed physically, emotionally and spiritually, and it is not outside marriage.

 In God’s scheme of things, according to Christian teachings, you do not need to be experienced in sex before marriage. This is because you have the whole of your married life to get to know your spouse’s body (God’s gift to you) as your bodies lock and your spirits mesh in sexual intercourse before God. With each encounter you get to know the body of your spouse even better to the glory of God. And here is the rich wisdom of the Christian faith (which may seem foolish on the face of it): Any person who genuinely relies on Jesus Christ before his marriage and also during his marriage will be given the grace and spiritual strength to stay the course of marriage should he find out that he has ended up with a sexually defective spouse. Tough to take in, I know, but I cannot make this truth any more appealing than it sounds right now in a time like ours. Marriage is not a selfish enterprise, where if you are not having a sexually exciting life everything else must come crushing down for everyone in it. Rather it is essentially a self-giving worship of God as you commit yourself exclusively to that one person, to love, to cherish and to seek the good of this person always.

 The Christian scriptures teach that all who trust in God will not be disappointed, ultimately. But break God’s precepts on sex (or on any other issue of life) and you can be sure that you will not only separate yourself from God and into a dark loneliness of the soul but you will also hurt yourself and others. Let us be clear: the idea that God is an unloving and unfeeling Judge up there who is simply watching down to see who has gone even slightly wrong so that he may swiftly punish him, is wrong. God wants to reconcile us back to himself. This is the Christian message to the world. God’s precepts in the Bible are intended to facilitate our happiness and not to stifle it. A parent sternly warns her child to steer clear of fire not because she wants to make the child miserable but because she wants to prevent the child from getting hurt or even dying. How can a child enjoy life when he is hurt or dead? If we separate ourselves spiritually from God (a spiritual death), through sin, how can we expect to receive God’s best? God knows the limits within which our best can be had. Stolen waters are not as sweet as we want to believe. Many people may look happy on the outside but on the inside they may be empty, restless, bitter and troubled because they have violated God in this area of sex.

Conclusion

We were made for God and if we spend ourselves in illegitimate pleasures, we will only come away broken and impoverished in our souls (and perhaps with physical scars too). No one enriches his soul by being sexually immoral. Rather we bankrupt ourselves spiritually; we feel the emptiness, restlessness of the soul, the guilt and shame of sin because we have divorced ourselves from God, who is our ultimate good. A more serious side to sexual immorality is that in the end, we must give account of our lives to the God. Some people realize this quicker than others but the important thing is that we are willing to take the necessary steps back to God through the path he has provided – faith in his Son, Jesus Christ. And to be clear, faith in Jesus Christ is not mere intellectual belief in Jesus as Lord but includes a willful commitment to live the whole of one’s life in reverence of him and his teachings. Christ offers forgiveness and rebirth even to the one who has wrecked himself or herself sexually yet is willing to repent. Are you a mess, sexually? Jesus gives hope and strength to those seeking to please God in their sexual lives.

Hope In The Shadow of Death

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On any ordinary day, death is not a subject most of us would like to occupy our minds with. It is that dark spot in human experience which we all wish was not there. In Ghana, posters with the words “What A Shock!” and “Gone Too Soon” often express how we feel about the death of loved ones. Even when euphemisms like “Home Call” and “Call To Glory” are used, they still do not sit comfortably with many of us. We cannot think of death without feeling uneasy. But I am convinced that the thought of death would not be as frightening, as crippling and as devastating as it is in our experience if we were on good terms with the Giver of life – God. This is a bold statement, yes, but I think facing the truth is a wise thing to do.

We fear death because we are not sure what will happen after death. And the reason we are concerned about what will happen after death is because somehow we know deep within us that physical death is really not the end of our story. We have this profound sense that there is something beyond making a descent living, being good to others and having our bodies decomposed. “Life can’t be that simple!” we reason in the quietness of our minds. Whatever or Whoever was the cause of our existence surely did not fill us with such intricate design and information just to last for three score years and ten or at the most one hundred and twenty years. Even without any exposure to the Bible, many people around the world believe that there has to be something more beyond the grave for this world to make sense. Perhaps justice? Or a better life to make up for the harsh one they had down here?

C.S. Lewis once made the brilliant observation that our repeated astonishment at time as demonstrated in our exclamations like “How he’s grown!” and “How time flies!” actually go to show how little reconciled we are to time. He notes that our surprise is as strange as the case would be if we found a fish that was always surprised at the wetness of water. Such a fish would be really strange unless that fish was destined to become a land animal one day. Similarly, our souls were not made for time but for eternity. This is why we are uncomfortable in this space-time dimension. The Bible teaches that the original intent of God was for human life to go on and on but sin has interrupted this plan.

Our fear of death

When you have rebelliously run away from home against your parents’ wishes, the thought of returning home can fill you with an overwhelming fear because you know deep down that you did not do the right thing. We all feel a sense of guilt; we feel we have missed the mark somehow. “All we like sheep have gone astray” declared the prophet Isaiah. A prominent theme in the Bible is that we have all rebelled against our Creator in one way or another. Paul the apostle of Christ wrote:

“God’s anger is revealed from heaven against all the sin and evil of the people whose evil ways prevent the truth from being known.  God punishes them, because what can be known about God is plain to them, for God himself made it plain. Ever since God created the world, his invisible qualities, both his eternal power and his divine nature, have been clearly seen; they are perceived in the things that God has made. So those people have no excuse at all!  They know God, but they do not give him the honour that belongs to him, nor do they thank him. Instead, their thoughts have become complete nonsense, and their empty minds are filled with darkness.  They say they are wise, but they are fools; … Because those people refuse to keep in mind the true knowledge about God, he has given them over to corrupted minds, so that they do the things that they should not do. They are filled with all kinds of wickedness, evil, greed, and vice; they are full of jealousy, murder, fighting, deceit, and malice. They gossip and speak evil of one another; they are hateful to God, insolent, proud, and boastful; they think of more ways to do evil; they disobey their parents; they have no conscience; they do not keep their promises, and they show no kindness or pity for others. They know that God’s law says that people who live in this way deserve death. Yet, not only do they continue to do these very things, but they even approve of others who do them.” – Romans 1:18-22; 28-32 GNB

Which of us does not need forgiveness? In the history of the world and in the various religions men have always cried for atonement – something to be sacrificed to appease the higher powers whom we believe we have offended. Jesus Christ, God in human flesh, has offered himself a sacrifice for our sins and as the resurrected Lord of Lords, he extends forgiveness to all who believe in him. This is the heart of the Christian gospel – God’s act of reconciling all mankind to himself. And the Apostle Paul, after converting to follow Jesus, declared to the church in Rome saying, “I have complete confidence in the gospel; it is God’s power to save all who believe, first the Jews and also the Gentiles. For the gospel reveals how God puts people right with himself: it is through faith from beginning to end. .. ” Romans 1:16&17 GNB.

Unlike any other religious teaching, the teaching of Jesus Christ on sin is at once the most challenged yet also the most empirically verifiable truth about humanity. We are all depraved, if not in our deeds then it is in our thoughts. At the same time that we are publicly crying out and fighting for justice and human rights, we find that we are also privately lying, cheating, deceiving others, being adulterous at heart and hating some people. Jesus’ teaching about the wickedness of the human heart has pinpoint accuracy. But in all honesty, if this is all that Jesus did or was able to do then I must confess that he has not helped mankind in any extraordinary terms compared to all the other founders of the world religions. For they also had some useful teachings for mankind, even if some of their teachings were wrong.

What makes Jesus unique in the history of the world is that he did not only correctly diagnose our fundamental problem, he also provided the solution in himself. He offered himself as a sacrificial lamb to atone for our wrong doing. He did not give us guidelines for preparing our own medicine, he prepared the medicine himself and said to us “here it is, take it and you’ll be cured.” This is a major difference between Jesus Christ and the other teachers and prophets. They gave us tall lists of things to do to cure ourselves but they could not grant us the power to do them because after all they themselves did not even have the power. They had to depend on God’s power and mercy. But Jesus Christ says things like, “he who believes in me shall live,” “I will come and live with him,” “I will not leave you comfortless,” “Lo, I am with you till the end of age,” and “I am the resurrection and the life.” Jesus never intended to leave us in doubt about his divine status. He told those who could not believe in him because of his teachings to at least believe because of his miracles. The Bible says Jesus is the son of God and that whoever believes in him will have his soul reunited with his resurrected and glorified body and live in a heavenly city – the new earth devoid of evil, sadness, sickness and death – after the judgement day.

The historical records tell us, Jesus was crucified and on the third day his tomb was found empty. His enemies, who made sure that his tomb was guarded to prevent the disciples from stealing the body and claiming he is alive, did not have any answers for the missing body. It was inexplicable! Jesus had resurrected! He appeared to several people after his resurrection. His disciples who had become so scared to come out of hiding suddenly were filled with boldness to preach outdoors, and stand before the authorities and claim they were followers of the resurrected Christ. The disciples were rational people who often wanted evidence in order to believe and thus would not have put their lives on the line knowing very well they were preaching a lie. The resurrection of Christ is the bedrock of Christianity and the apostles defended it to their deaths. The Apostle Paul once declared that if Christ did not rise from the death then Christians deserve more pity than anyone else in all the world. This was the level of confidence they had! They saw him with their own eyes and testified of it to the point of death. “… he appeared to Peter and then to all the twelve apostles. Then he appeared to more than 500 of his followers at once, most of whom are still alive, although some have died,” wrote Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 15:5-8 GNB. This was a claim which could have been easily cross-checked at the time since he emphasized that, “most of whom are still alive.” No sane person puts his life on the line for what he knows to be a lie. A person may die for a lie when he believes it to be true, but it take insanity to die for a lie when you know it is lie. Throughout the gospels we see that the disciples were not only sane but were also people who did not believe things too easily and Jesus, often frustrated with their unbelief would say things like “you of little faith,” “Have you no faith?” These were people who wanted to have evidence of the resurrection before believing, even when the women from their own number testified that Jesus had resurrected. These are the kind of men who wrote the part of the Bible which is generally called “New Testament.”

Jesus, the Son of God, has been to the world of the dead and come back and is presently alive. He has overcome death’s power and he assures you that all who believe in him will be taken safely through death into a glorious eternity with him, instead of suffering a damning eternity away from God in hell for sins committed.

I once read of a parable about a very wealthy man whose son used to go out to the city street and talk to a particular beggar. The beggar took a liking to the son and one day gave him a portrait he had painted of him. The young man took it to his father who was an art connoisseur. His father thought to himself, “This is not a very good painting, but we’ll hang it up in the gallery because it’s supposed to be of my son.” Several years went by and the young man stopped coming to visit the beggar. One day the beggar went to the gates of the palace where the young man lived and said, “I don’t see that young man anymore.” The palace guards replied, “He died very suddenly.” The beggar was sad to hear this and he said, “Can I see his father?” And they said, “Yes.” The beggar said to the father, “I have done another painting of your son, just like the other one. I want you to have it.” He gave it to the father and he hung it beside the first portrait.

Not long afterwards, the father also passed away and the beggar heard about it. He also heard that all the art works in the palace were going to be auctioned. He asked if he could go in to observe the auction. An auctioneer came in, looked around and saw all the paintings on the walls and the connoisseurs who had come to bid on them. He also noticed that in the middle of the art collection was hanging the two paintings of the wealthy man’s son done by the beggar that were not good at all. So the auctioneer said, “We’re going to have an auction, but the first paintings to go are the ones of the young man here and then we’ll proceed with the rest.“ The connoisseurs said, “We’re not interested in them, just get on with the ….” The Auctioneer insisted, “No, no, we must begin with these.” But nobody bid. So the beggar put his hand in his pocket and took out a handful of pennies to bid. The gavel was sounded and he got the son’s portraits. As the beggar took them and was about to leave, the gavel sounded again and the auctioneer said, “I have some news for you. Behind the paintings of this young man are the words, ‘Whoever bids on these gets the whole gallery.’” The beggar got the son’s portraits and also got everything else that the father had to offer.

Jesus Christ, the very Son of God, gives you all that his Father has to offer: forgiveness, hope, eternal life in God’s glorious presence in the world to come, meaning in this present life and also victory over the fear of death. When you believe in him, he has promised to come to live with you even while in this life. He will walk you through life and guarantee you a safe landing in the next life. The state of the believer in Christ can be summed up in the words of hymnist, Stuart Townend: “No guilt in life, no fear in death; This is the power of Christ in me.”

When you have this assurance, this hope, which extends beyond the grave, it profoundly influences how you view not only death but also trying times, suffering and life in general in this world. The hope of resurrection is what filled the early apostles of Christ with boldness and led to the eventual establishment of the Christian faith. “Because I live, you shall live also,” were the words of Christ to his disciples. Their hope was not baseless, for it was based on the fact of the resurrection of Jesus Christ and his promise to make them have the same experience. Their hope was based on a person who was able to deliver on his word always – Jesus the Son of God. This same Jesus who rose from the dead and is alive today is calling all of us who are tired from carrying heavy loads – including the fear of death – and he will give us rest. In Jesus Christ, man’s finally enemy, death, loses its sting. The Bible says Jesus Christ is the person going to judge the whole world on the Judgement day. And what better hope is there than to know that your eternal destiny has been secured by the very Judge of the world because you have already committed your life into his hands! When you know Jesus, you know the truth and this truth will set you free even from the fear of death.

Death is not a tragic end for the believer in Christ. It is rather the door through which he passes to be with his Lord in his glory. “I can only imagine what it will be like,” sang Mercy Me, “when I walk by your side; I can only imagine; what my eyes will see; when your face Is before me; I can only imagine; surrounded by your glory; what will my heart feel?; will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of you be still?; will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I fall?; will I sing hallelujah?; will I be able to speak at all?; I can only imagine.” Yes! We can only imagine. For meeting the resurrected Christ in his unveiled glory, his thunderous majesty, power and dominion will be an experience like no other that we have ever known! Let us not fear death but rather put our faith in the King of Glory.

God, Sex and Me

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The desire for sex is one of the powerful hungers of our humanity. It can make you  restless when you have in one way or another provoked and entertained it but have no way of immediately satisfying it. Being a Christian or following Jesus Christ as your Lord and Saviour does not shield you from desiring to have sex. Getting married does not mean your sexual desire can only be aroused by your spouse. Some men in high positions have destroyed the trust and admiration the public had for them by not controlling their sexual urges. Think of the scandalous stories of Bill Clinton, Straus Khan, Tiger Woods and even King David in the Bible. A good thing can be abused and this has been our predicament with sex.In non-religious societies or among individuals who do not submit themselves to conservative religious doctrines, sex is like a free drug to be dispensed to anyone ready for it. They may only discriminate because of personal preferences such as attraction to the potential partner or the fact that they want to wait till marriage so that their wedding night will be special. Some Christians may hold the latter reason as something laudable. But as ideal as it sounds, it is not even Christian nor is it a biblical reason not to have sex.

In his satirical poem titled, Creed, the English journalist, Steve Turner, speaks about many of our modern secular ideas, and his second stanza mocks our present ideas on sex:

We believe in sex before, during, and

after marriage.

We believe in the therapy of sin.

We believe that adultery is fun.

We believe that sodomy’s OK.

We believe that taboos are taboo.

Many people today believe everything is alright as long as you do not hurt anyone, to the best of your definition of hurt, and to the best of your knowledge.  This belief has worked itself out in our lives – for both non-religious and religious folks.  Today we have an expression like “two consenting adults” as if to suggest that so long as there is agreement about the sexual act among two adults, there is really nothing morally wrong with it. The moral rightness or wrongness of the sexual act is now defined by the agreement or its absence thereof between the two adults.

Followers of Christ’s teachings have been and are expected (and rightly so) to live above reproach yet we are miserably not living up to expectations. Stories of pastors and church leaders involved in sexual scandals are common place. These are people whose philosophy of life dictates that they ought to have sex only with the woman they have married yet are living otherwise. ‎The unexposed private lives of the ordinary church members are no better. To suggest that the frequency of extra-marital sex and pre-marital sex among Christians within our churches is a problem is to state the issue too mildly. It is a scandal, a travesty, a matter calling for repentance and mourning. There is no denying that to some extent, these are indications of a stunted theological understanding of our sexuality. I remember attending youth programs in two different churches, (one an orthodox church, the other charismatic) that featured a talk on God’s view of sex and listening to some of the youth asking questions about whether sex before marriage was wrong. I was quite surprised to realize that this was an ambiguous area for them. But it underscored for me the fact that the times had changed. Churches are not preaching Christ’s precepts in this area; or if they are preaching it then perhaps not well enough. We are more concerned about teaching practical solutions for the temporary problems, rather than the eternal realities. Believers must be brought to a point of understanding that inspires firm belief and encourages acceptance of God’s teachings about our sexuality.

 Putting things in perspective

God made this world. He invented sex, so to speak, when he created our reproductive systems and also commanded us to reproduce. So sex is good and is a gift from God. In the Genesis story, God told man and woman to multiply and this required being one in flesh and in spirit. Indeed in the book of Malachi when God was no longer accepting the offerings from the people of Israel, the prophet explained one of the reasons as follows:

“You ask why he no longer accepts them. It is because he knows you have broken your promise to the wife you married when you were young. She was your partner, and you have broken your promise to her, although you promised before God that you would be faithful to her. Didn’t God make you one body and spirit with her? What was his purpose in this? It was that you should have children who are truly God’s people. So make sure that none of you breaks his promise to his wife. ” Malachi 2:14-15 GNB [Emphasis mine]

From this it is clear where the place of sex is intended to be – in marriage.  Outside this institution, having sex is sin. And sin means missing the mark, falling short of God’s standard. This does not seem like something serious. “Okay so, I missed the mark. What is the big deal?” one might think. It is a very serious deal – a deal with eternal dimensions.

Sin must be understood in terms of man’s relation to God. This is why Jesus, God in human flesh, can forgive sin that was not even done directly to him but rather to our fellow man. The definition of sin was given in the Genesis story when Adam and Eve disobeyed God’s commandment not to eat of the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil. They ate this forbidden fruit because they lost faith in God by believing a lie. They believed the devil’s subtle suggestion that God could not be trusted because he was keeping something good (i.e. the knowledge of good and evil) from them. Sin then is the faithless rebellion of man against the just authority of God. And this is where the significance of sin lays. Whenever we sin, whether we lie, cheat, yield to our bodily lusts etc, we show how faithless we are in God; how much we do not trust him. We make a statement which says we do not believe that God’s precepts and commandments are for our good or are in our interest; we believe he is keeping away from us something that is good for us.

Further, breaking God’s law at any point involves transgression at every point (Galatians 3:10). If we break the law of adultery, we have also broken the law of covetousness, killing etc. How come? This is so because the very authority of God which instituted the law of adultery is the same one that instituted the rest of the laws. As a result, rebelling against his authority in one area of life is simply rebellion against God’s authority, pure and simple. God has just one authority and it is himself. If you defy his law, you have defied his authority – you have defied him. You have broken fellowship with him. But because man was made to have fellowship with God, and to thrive on God, a sinful life brings a sense of restlessness and often a general lose of meaning in life because the divinely intended fellowship has been broken by sin.

In the Old Testament (Leviticus 18) God prohibited certain sexual activities. Also in the New Testament, in Jesus’ and Paul’s teachings, it is also clear that not all sexual encounters are permitted in God’s scheme of things. Adultery, homosexuality and fornication are spoken against in very clear terms – that people who engage in such things will not inherit God’s kingdom. Some current myths about sex that people have include:

        i.            Sex can be casual

The truth is God does not look upon sex as something to be treated casually; a pleasure to be had with just anyone when you feel like having it.

      ii.            If you love each other you can have sex.

The truth is that love is patient (1 Corinthians 13:4). Real love will wait for marriage, under God’s blessing, before expressing itself through sex. If your love cannot wait, it is not love. It is lust, it is selfishness – it wants what it wants, how it wants it, when it wants it.

    iii.            We are going to get married soon anyway, so what is the big deal?

The big deal and the gospel truth is that being “about to get married” is not the same thing as “married”; you are not married yet and any of you could change their minds (or even external factors may prevent the idea of marriage from becoming reality) after the sexual act.

iv.            There is the need to ensure “it works” before you commit

Here is the hard but real truth: If you have genuinely given your life to Jesus Christ yet God in his infinite wisdom gives you a sexually defective partner, you can be sure that God will also grant you the grace, the wisdom and strength to be able to live with that partner as you keep depending on him. I know this is easier said than done. It might be hard to take in but it is truth. God has the power to carry us. In the most trying times of life, trusting and obeying God is the only way to enjoy his profound peace and joy which transcends human understanding. God is always with those who rely on him in their times of distress. He carries them when all else is spent – when strength (whether emotional, psychological or physical) is gone, wisdom is …